Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
