Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
