i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he thought i was a dude.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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