you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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