Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
