hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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