Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
