I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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