dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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