Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
