When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
