Apparently you make a good broom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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