I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
