I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
