she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
