hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
