Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
