i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Im part way to drunk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
