I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
