Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
