i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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