made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
