You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
