we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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