well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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