And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
