he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
