HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
