i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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