When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
