feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
