Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
