The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
