If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
