Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Don't make out with my wife yet
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
