its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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