cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
