I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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