No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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