her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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