I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How does it feel to date your dad?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
