I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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