girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
