fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
