3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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