So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
