just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
