i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize