Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
