the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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