i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize