Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize