dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
