I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
