I am midnight drunk by noon
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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