Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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