I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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