Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
