it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
