He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
