Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
