OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
