Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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