So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
