I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize