Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
