I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
