She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
